Grief and Memory

 The Significance of Grief

Q: What is the significance of memory in this story of grief?

In Viet Thanh Nguyen’s “Black Eyed Women” a major and consistent theme is grief. The narrator herself is a ghostwriter for other tragedies. Her job is to listen to the memories from survivors and turn them into books, all while hiding her name from the public. Victor Devoto, a client of the narrator, is the first example of memory and death merging together. As the narrator puts it “his body there but not much else” (2). Though Victor survived the crash which took his family, his mind is still stuck there. You would hope he could find happiness in the memory of his late family, but his grief consumes him only leaving him stuck with his final memory with them. A sad, but common place where grief and memory coexist. I believe Viet Thanh Nguyen connects grief and memory through other examples like this. The main death’s in this story are abrupt and unexpected, the family did not have time to prepare, therefore their memories of their loved ones get stuck and only focus on the day of their death rather than the life they had before. 

The narrator sees the ghost of her brother the same way she remembers the day he died, though it is clear there is a difference in the pain he is experiencing. As described on the 7th page, she sees him bloated, pale, wearing the same clothes he passed in, though at this point his body shows the effects of time. His brother's ghostly body still exudes the smell of the sea where he was left and the smell of the boat where his life ended. The narrator and the ghost of her brother have not confronted one another since the day he died, which illustrates why he appears to have stayed the same. Her vision of him is consumed by the way she last saw him. 

Evidence of this theme is even more heavily placed on her brother’s transformation. There is a change in him when there is a shift in their relationship. I personally view it as acceptance of his death, which the narrator was unable to accomplish before. The change begins small with her replacing his clothes. The narrator is particularly stuck on the question of how he died and she lived, a form of survivor’s guilt. That question fogs her brain and has kept her in a cycle of unrest. Her brother’s final visit is what frees them both. He can move on as he is no longer stuck in the memory of his death and the narrator can accept her brother’s and regain the connection they once had. It is his final answer which seals this freedom, “You died too, you just don’t know it.” (17). The narrator finally has the answer to work through her grief and finally accept what happened to her family. 

Grief is a difficult thing to deal with and I really like how Viet Thanh Nguyen approaches it. He is able to so eloquently describe the different stages of grief, specifically acceptance. Acceptance is not equal to being okay with death, but instead from this story we can gather that acceptance is the ability to move forward. The narrator will never be okay with her brother’s death, but she has now accepted the change in her life allowing her to move on.